Today I fell on my butt

That hasnt happened in a while,

but my body still remembers how to do it,

I did a slide/roll, so I cushioned most of the blow

and didnt try to break the fall with my wrists,

which is good because I need those.

I wonder how much my form is

muscle memory from learning to walk

and how much is from later falls,

falls from greater heights.

-

This one was not so very great

It almost happened in slow motion:

I was squatting down to sit on a new rolling chair,

wearing new jeans,

on a polished wooden floor,

and I got the angle wrong.

I came down too quickly.

The jeans slid forward.

The chair went careening back.

And, almost as an echo,

an afterthought,

the wheels of the chair snickered,

cradling the wood panels

all the way across the empty studio

until they hit the opposite wall

and ceased.

-

As I felt my body give in to gravity

(I was too sore from yesterdays squats to stop it)

I saw the apartment in a completely new way.

I didnt stay down for long,

but in that insistent moment

of

falling

I felt a nave surprise

Not that I fell

But that I remembered falling

so well.

Almost as though my body

had a specific mode for falling,

like an automatic message

about airplane safety

Id heard a hundred times before...

-

And in that mode I fell.

And in that mode I saw my adult life,

not flashing before my eyes,

but holding its breath,

all messy

and crumpled up

and confused

and spinning across the room

and leaning at improper angles

and falling with me out of sisterly solidarity

And in that mode I felt

almost completely new