Nia Long cant find her car. When we chat on the phone in early June, she is in the same situation so many of us have found ourselves in: forgetting where we parked in a crowded lot.

It sounds cliche to declare the tabloid adage Stars: Theyre Just Like Us! but when you talk to the endearing actress, its easy to recognize why her warm nature and relatable personality has made her an icon for so many over the span of her career.

Long has left her indelible mark on the big screen (The Single Moms Club, Soul Food, Love Jones) and small screen alike (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Third Watch, Judging Amy), and its because of that combination of effortless talent and genuine nature.

We only have x amount of years on this planet, you might as well be who you are, rather than what people are expecting you to be, Long tells Smart Girls. No one can define your authenticity, thats your own spirit magnifying on to the world, she says. Thats the most powerful space anyone can live in. Because you own it and when you own it, it shows.

Its a motto that shes applied not only in her everyday life, but one in her career as well. Because even someone as respected as Long has had to face down her own share of discrimination in her line of work. Long recalls a particularly traumatic incident that occurred just about a decade ago when she was on the set of a television series.

This makeup artist said to me, Im sorry I dont have your color foundation, this is all I have, and she pulled out the color of black shoe polish, Long says. I knew what she was doing. I felt immediately like I had to fight for myself and protect myself and what I needed.

Its a difficult, but important lesson she hopes to impart to the new generation of actresses. Long stars in the new ABC sitcom Uncle Buck, in which newcomer Iman Benson plays her daughter on the series. When I look at her I just melt because shes about the same age I was when I started, Long says of Benson, adding, I tell her all the time, Dont be afraid to say that you dont like something. Dont be afraid to say that you feel uncomfortable. Dont be afraid to say that you dont know the answer to the question. It is okay to ask questions, it is okay to express yourself and your ideas.

Long also knows, firsthand, the pressure put on women of every age, as shes grown up in the spotlight. Perfection is boring and I dont want to fall into that space of being a woman in my 40s and having the need to feel perfect and not have wrinkles and not have an extra 15 pounds, Long notes. I just want to do good work and be who I am, transition beautifully, and have a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The star admits that while it can be extremely difficult not to get caught up in sexism and ageism and the black and the white of it all in Hollywood, shes found her bliss as both an actress and as a mother and wife. I feel like my career and my life made an agreement before I was even on this planet. Everything goes in cycles for me and its nice because I get to be a mom and have family time and have a career and do the thing that I love the most.

Still, when the pressure gets to be too much, Long has a trick that any woman whether shes a famous actress or a mom trying to find her car can follow: Sometimes I have to take three deep breaths Hit that reboot button before I go on to the next thing.

Whatever Longs next thing is, you know well be watching.

Image via ABC/Craig Sjodin