When I cracked open the box of chocolates I received by a friend for Valentines Day, I was appalled when I bit into a seemingly appetizing sweet only to find out it was filled with artificial strawberry stuffing.
Why would I take a bite of a chocolate I knew I wasnt going to like, you might ask? Because the box lacked one important factor: a guide to what chocolates you are going to eat.
I am currently sitting here, joined with a box of half-eaten chocolates because I am trying to find the flavors I like. Essentially a Russian Roulette of Russell Stover. A game that would usually be fun, but when strawberry fluff is thrown into the mix it is quite possibly a worse game than playing kickball knowing that you are going to be chosen last.
The blame must be thrown onto Forrest Gump. He just HAD to go and say Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. I am sorry Mr. Gump, but similar to how I like my life to be, I want to know what I am going to get in my 10 piece chocolate box. I do not want to sit in English class, relishing in the fact that we have a substitute teacher only to have every shred of hope in the world crushed by that pink, gooey nightmare.
After the strawberry fiasco, I moved on to the rest of the box with the mindset that with the disgraced chocolate out of the way, I could finish the box in peace. Little did I know, Russell Stover hid a second strawberry monstrosity in the box. That was where the line was crossed. Make me eat garbage once, shame on you. Make me eat garbage twice, shame on you again and you will not be receiving my $5.99 on February 13th to buy another last minute Valentines Day gift.
I will admit, the rest of the box was tasty (good enough for CVS sold chocolate), but the betrayal was too much for my fragile ego to handle. After years of cultivating a specific taste and knowing what I want when I buy certain things, some little white devil marketer decides to switch things up on the consumer.
To Russell and Clara Stover, I am sorry your beloved company had to be ruined in such a manner. Hopefully they dont label your chocolates again, someone gets an allergic reaction without knowing what they are eating and files a lawsuit to correct this fatal mistake.
(Or not, because yknow someones health and anothers business failure shouldnt be a joke but I need to have some comedic relief here after all the anger)
