Day 138: 26 May 2016, Melbourne

In East Asia, cuteness is a desired trait for women. Actually, aegyo() in Korea and kawaii() in Japan are not interchangeable with cuteness. These concepts are essentially an appeal for youth and innocence.

Aegyo and kawaii are not the same either. While the former is about a behavior, manner of speech and looks, the latter is more comprehensive, encompassing appearance, fashion, handwriting and even lunch boxes.

I cant speak much for the kawaii culture so Id like to talk about what I grew up with: aegyo. I see aegyo as expectation on women to act like a little girl by speaking with a lisp and through their nose for instance. The idea is prevalent and ubiquitous that its what outsiders often associate Korean girls with. Especially with the dissemination and popularity of K-pop, people from Asia and/or Asian societies (i.e. Chinese-Canadian) would often ask me to show them some aegyo, after having asked whether Ive gotten plastic surgery.

I grew up not seeing aegyo as a desirable feature for myself, because I looked up to my brother who didnt see it as one either. I also refused to comply with the patriarchal societys expectation on female. I didnt want to be stereotyped as a cute, little girl who uses her charm as the power to obtain what she wants (I do have to admit that I used to fake-cry when my brother was winning the arguments).

Some may say that cuteness is applicable for both male and female. Metrosexuality is no longer a new term to describe boy bands and even everyday men in Korea or Japan. While it may not be common, men wearing makeup is not that surprising in Korea at least. Under such currency, a feminized man with porcelain white skin and groomed eyebrows would be adored if he shows some cute aegyo to his fans.

However, their showing aegyo or the society asking for it does not change the gender dynamics in Korea, where men is dominant and women are expected to be submissive. Ive had friends who would tell me that if they cant do much about the male dominance in Korean society, they might as well make the most out of the system. They meant behaving coquettishly to grab attention from men and getting what they want. With a pretty face and a coy smile, they knew how to play the game. And they played it well.

I dont want to blame them for trying to make the most out of the unfair system. Theyve probably grown up in an environment that normalizes such a behavior. I dont want people to generalize their behavior and claim that women are all fox. Above all, I believe that the society has a bigger responsibility in advising girls and women that it is desirable to act submissive and weak, while calling out the confident, smart ones as domineering and arrogant.

Male superiority is very much real in and out of Asian societies. But when a society that asks, if not regulates, the way one looks, speaks, behaves, and even what one possesses, the gender dynamics is reinforced on a day-to-day basis, without people noticing its implications. That may explain why Korea has one of the biggest gender wage gap amongst the OECD countries, and some people fail to acknowledge misogyny in the society when its a daily struggle for an average woman in Korea.

138: 2016 5 26,

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